The Accidental Astrologer
Cool Temps, Hot Dishes
September’s stars serve up a medley of sweet and sour
Virgo (August 23–September 22)
Sugar Lump, there was a time when you had less going for you than a scared Beagle in a hailstorm. Now, you have a busier social life than the Kardashians. Everybody is watching, wondering, waiting for you to make a move and follow suit. If you still have a little bit of Snoopy in your soul, lie down, put your feet up and think first.
Libra (September 23–October 22)
It is entirely up to you if you want to direct everybody in the drama of life, but it would sure help if you had any idea about what you are doing. The advice you have sworn by is about as helpful as a room deodorizer in a bus station. Change gears or you may strip the transmission, Sugar Pie. Recalibrate.
Scorpio (October 23–November 21)
Oopsies were made. That’s a charitable way of saying you’re wrong more often than right lately, but enough people stand by you anyway. Charisma? Yup. Regrets? Nope. But Sugar, don’t squander all this goodwill in one month.
Sagittarius (November 22–December 21)
I wish I had a restraining order for everybody who tried to attack you for having an “original” idea that was behind its time. Not a typo. Honey, if you can just pretend to regret being too big for your britches you might not get your comeuppance.
Capricorn (December 22–January 19)
The seasonal change has got you all flubbed up. But as soon as the first cool evening settles, all will feel better and brighter. There’s a whole lot of hot air hitting you from a close acquaintance that has Spam for brains. Grab a fan and pay them no mind.
Aquarius (January 20–February 18)
You’ve been on the sliding board of life and it has felt like the first time on the playground — scary, too fast and at least a little skin left on the sliding board on the way down. But you arrived at a safe place, Honey Bun, and things do go right at last.
Pisces (February 19–March 20)
You’ve made an important correction, Sweet Thing, and you get to reap the benefits. You’ve shared a lot of credit, helped others and boosted your karma. It wasn’t easy to make the change you did but you put your big pants on and did it.
Aries (March 21–April 19)
Two people are walking back into your life and there will be a test of your strategic powers. This is destiny, Sugar, so just remember that you are in the Schoolhouse of Life for a reason. Your best will be good enough and you shall pass without scars.
Taurus (April 20–May 20)
You’ve got a generous, intelligent, powerful nature, and when people get on your good side they are in for a treat. It is myth-making to watch you do your creative best. These times remind your friends why they hang in there, and they do.
Gemini (May 21–June 20)
You cleared a big hurdle and now you graduate to the next. Your abilities to redeem yourself never fail to amaze — and sometimes stupefy. In the end, Buttercup, there is another task to face. It will look easy after summer’s challenge.
Cancer (June 21–July 22)
Lordamercy, if you were surprised by the breaks you got, you never let it show. You have a better poker face than the professionals. The cards are in your favor, and you know how to play them. So deal or draw. The game is yours, Sweet Thing, but don’t hold ’em.
Leo (July 23-August 22)
You are legendarily strong and stoic. You are a born leader and you know it. But you also have a shadow side that is the opposite. When did you last let anyone know that? It is possible to show that side to others and not lose a bit of face. Try it, Sugar. OH
For years, Astrid Stellanova owned and operated Curl Up and Dye Beauty Salon in the boondocks of North Carolina until arthritic fingers and her popular astrological readings provoked a new career path.