The Accidental Astrologer
Cat’s-paws, Cat’s Meows and Mixed Nuts
In the height of Leo season, August brings a little bit of everything
By Astrid Stellanova
August birthdays for Leo and Virgo are something special.
Even the stars will twinkle brighter! There’s a partial solar eclipse (on the 13th — so Sugar, we get to shut it all down and focus on luminous Leos.
Cat Nights begin on the 17th, and may tempt witches to trade their brooms for feline claws and tails, if our Irish seers are right. But, no lie or stretch of truth, August brings National Ice Cream Sandwich Day, National Raspberry Cream Pie Day and National Girlfriends Day.
If days devoted to ice cream, pie or gal-pals don’t grab you, then consider August 3 is International Beer Day . . .
and Grab Some Nuts Day is conveniently the same date. Shew, Star Children, I cannot begin to tell you how many mixed nuts deserve to be roasted and canned this month. — Ad Astra, Astrid
Leo (July 23—August 22)
Here’s the thing, Sugar. There’s a good reason some friends just don’t mix; you can’t trust them anymore than you would trust a rooster crossed with a turkey buzzard or a goldendoodle crossed with a coyote. Things went cattywampus when two segmented parts of your life came together. To fix this situation, consider sorting out why and how this ever happened. For your birthday, someone is willing to retire a debt owed. And it isn’t about the money.
Virgo (August 23—September 22)
Sugar, you are the straw that stirs the drink. Ain’t nothing fun happening until you make the scene. Just looky, at how much social capital you have. Spread that stardust around to all your thirsty friends and stir something up.
Libra (September 23–October 22)
Your nemesis has an ego big enough to have its own ZIP code. This ticked some people off and they are ready to change sides and be your personal booster club. Keep your chin up and go high, Honey, if ever they go low.
Scorpio (October 23–November 21)
Don’t get all tore up. You lost something you really didn’t even want. If you can stop looking in the rearview mirror, you will find you actually like the approaching view right in front of you. Keep on keeping on, and don’t allow yourself to break down in the tow zone.
Sagittarius (November 22–December 21)
Don’t that just beat a hog playing the maracas? Here you had all the talent you ever needed to succeed at the very thing that makes your heart sing —and you questioned it forever. You have just accidentally found your way right side up.
Capricorn (December 22–January 19)
News that’s tougher to swallow than canned biscuits and expired Spam has got you shaken. In the next 48 hours, you learned you really are up to the challenge. It just happens to look harder than it is. This won’t bring you down.
Aquarius (January 20–February 18)
Yep, betrayal stung and you have hollered at the moon. Sooner or later, we all get to hike up to the crest of Fool’s Hill. Now come on back down. When you do — wiser, stronger, better — ain’t nobody getting your goat again.
Pisces (February 19–March 20)
Whaaat? You’re due for a come-to-Jesus meeting with reality. If you think there’s a conspiracy against you, Darling, you are just plain wrong. Spend your days and nights ignoring all those conspiracy theories and focusing on your God-given talents.
Aries (March 21–April 19)
You feel like you were either shot out of a cannon or torpedoed by a loose cannon? Shake it off, Buttercup. Times were, this one special someone could tie you up in knots, but not anymore. You have the power . . . so take it and use it.
Taurus (April 20–May 20)
The last person you forgave was safely buried before you got around to letting go. Not that you are mean, but you sure do know how to hold a grudge. Resentment is a poisoned well. Stop lowering the bucket and drinking what is just plain toxic.
Gemini (May 21–June 20)
Look a little closer. Give it the hairy eyeball: The wheel may be turning but the rat is dead. Stop the whole business of trying to force something to work. When the path is truly clear — and it will clear soon, Honey — you will not struggle anymore.
Cancer (June 21–July 22)
Here’s the dilemma. You’re gonna have to burn that bridge or walk across it. That bridge. Set it on fire and you are done with all those old connections. If you walk across, you make new connections that didn’t get scorched. Free yourself, Darling. OH
For years, Astrid Stellanova owned and operated Curl Up and Dye Beauty Salon in the boondocks of North Carolina until arthritic fingers and her popular astrological readings provoked a new career path.