The Accidental Astrologer
In the swim of things with brilliant, imaginative and elusive Pisces
By Astrid Stellanova
Cast a net into the sea of life, and marvel at the roundup of famous Pisceans. As if Albert Einstein weren’t enough, what about Kurt Cobain, George Washington and Dr. Seuss? Throw in Andrew Jackson and Jack Kerouac for a little special sauce, and see who would be best friends and roommates in the great hereafter. If anything is fishy about Pisces in the here and now, it is how they can hide their amazing selves in plain sight. Brilliant in ways you cannot stereotype, they will slip right out of your hands before you ever hook them, these delightfully slippery fish. –Ad Astra, Astrid.
Pisces (February 19–March 20)
Time was when you were so forgiving (and distracted) that you would let anybody have their way if they were nice and remembered to say “thank you.” In the nicest way possible, you have learned to push back and find your footing concerning a subject that vexed you for most of 2017. Now you have to learn to say: Play me or trade me. Somebody who wants your talents may not realize how valuable they truly are. But, Sugar, you know.
Aries (March 21-April 19)
A natural wit allows you to come back swinging smartly no matter how deep the wound. But your inner wisdom may be telling you not to head into a knife fight with a stick of butter and a yeast roll. Little Ram, have you been duped? Let that sink in a minute, Sugar. Now, deep breaths. Head up, spine straight, and don’t
Taurus (April 20–May 20)
A tornado ripped through your life late last year, and you ain’t quite over it. What happened caused you to go right off the rails and then wallow in the ditch. That is not your style, Star Child. If anything motivates you to start over, it is knowing somebody one-upped you. Don’t tear their heart out and eat it with a nice Chianti. Find a way forward.
Gemini (May 21–June 20)
Could this month get any better? Possibly. You finally pulled your fingers out of your ears and started listening to your own heart and living your own life — not your sister’s, not your daughter’s, not your Mama’s. A special little secret is about to unfold. You’ll be tap dancing all the way to the bank, metaphorically speaking.
Cancer (June 21–July 22)
It is not that complicated. If you didn’t get what you wanted the last time around, suck it up and take a do-over. You can’t keep your children young and in your grasp forever. But you sure can make the home front happy. That, and take their car keys away. Don’t whine. Be the driver.
Leo (July 23–August 22)
Your two favorite words this month: refund due. Yes, Sweet Thing, the IRS is going to be your ally. Not for nothing did you lose so much money on Sea Monkeys and Sonic Egg Beaters. Turns out, some kinds of pain are deductible! Restrain your entrepreneurial impulse until you are back in the black.
Virgo (August 23–September 22)
You’ve never looked better, prompting a lot of folks to think you’ve found new love. Only you know the actual facts (as opposed to the alternative ones): You have found it a lot easier to be inside your own skin. Honey, that new ’tude ushers in one of the best springtimes in memory. Don’t blink and miss the fact that this ain’t a cosmetic fix, but an inside job — and an important development.
Libra (September 23–October 22)
It is true that money can’t buy happiness, but it dang sure can buy puppies. At last, practical and generous you have funded your own happiness. This recent splurge may be one of the wisest moves you’ve made in ages. Next up: Discover the bliss of not giving a damn what anybody else thinks!
Scorpio (October 23–November 21)
The bottle before you purred, “Yes, amazing Scorpio, you ARE the wisest and best of all!” You drank that in, didn’t you, Sugar? Well, surprise, surprise. You stayed at the party too long. A little sober reflection might bring you actual wisdom. It stings, realizing your need for affirmation took over. But now you have opportunity to see clearly . . . truly.
Sagittarius (November 22–December 21)
Recently you have felt sick and tired of feeling sick and tired. That was the exact moment you began to change your life in a very productive way. No need to be all things to all those you love. If you spell resentment, it would look a whole lot like your name, Sugar. Ready to stop? It’s that simple.
Capricorn (December 22–January 19)
In the anything-worth-doing-is-worth-overdoing category of life, you may have just taken first place honors and won a new badge. Try for second place, Honey. It is admirable that you care enough to over-deliver. But you cannot sustain this kind of effort. Just. Try. Less.
Aquarius (January 20–February 18)
It was the perfect birthday for you. Now, an important task. More than one person in your orbit relies upon your gentle counsel. It will surprise you to learn who, as you respect them greatly and view them as a spiritual guide. You are an old soul; you know validation comes from within. OH
For years, Astrid Stellanova owned and operated Curl Up and Dye Beauty Salon in the boondocks of North Carolina until arthritic fingers and her popular astrological readings provoked a new career path.