THE BIG ASK!!

Just trying to have me some fun(d)

By Maria Johnson

Dear Potential Sponsors,

I wanted to let you know that I have the most amazing opportunity. I can’t believe it. It’s like a dream come true. I could go to Tahiti!

THAT’S RIGHT, Tahiti!!

I have always wanted to go to Tahiti!! And now it’s possible for me to go!! YES!!

There’s just one hitch: money.

Don’t get me wrong. I could save enough money to go to Tahiti.

But I really don’t want to do that.

I want YOU to pay for it!!

ISN’T CROWDFUNDING AWESOME?!!

In case you don’t know, crowdfunding happens when people go online (and sometimes in magazines!!) to ask for money for specific projects. This idea is, you can raise a lot of money if everyone gives a little. Usually, the projects help people who are truly needy or down on their luck. But sometimes, the campaigns are like mine!!!

Just to be clear, I am not sick.

I am not a flood victim.

Or a crime victim.

I have no religious agenda.

I’m not trying to help anyone.

Or be reunited.

Or start a business to benefit people.

I JUST WANT TO GO TO TAHITI!!!

COME TO THINK OF IT, MY HUSBAND WANTS TO GO, TOO!

He’s a swell guy. We’ve been married twenty-seven years, and he’s always there for me. He loads the dishwasher every night! He walks the dog every morning! Sometimes, when we grill hamburgers, he points to the last one on the platter and says, “Do you want that?”

And I’m like, “Awwwwwwwww! You are soooooooo sweeeeeeet! Yes. Yes, I do!”

And he gets this sad little look on his face.

WHAT AN ADORABLE GUY!

How can you not send this man to Tahiti with me?

Right about now, you might be saying, “Where the heck is Tahiti, and why do you want to go?”

Well, allow me to educate you. Tahiti is an island in the South Pacific. It is part of the Society Islands in French Polynesia, south of Hawaii and directly east of Australia.

The sunsets are breathtaking, and water is Ty-D-Bol blue.

The area is a magnet for movie stars and artists, and it has been for a long time. The French painter Paul Gauguin lived in Tahiti in the late 1890s. Marlon Brando liked it, too. He bought a chain of tiny islets near Tahiti after filming there for his 1962 film Mutiny on the Bounty.

In fact, his former islets are now home to a super-luxury resort called
The Brando.

You guessed it!! That’s where we want to stay!!

Yes, it’s expensive, but we plan to go in the OFF SEASON!!

BIG $$$$AVINGS!

I can hear the cynics now. “Maria, why should we help you and your husband go Tahiti? Why don’t you spend your own money on something that benefits only you?”

Wow. OK. Wow.

Let me explain something, all right? This trip is about ENRICHMENT. It’s about enabling us to OPEN our minds, and UNDERSTAND another culture, and RESPECT indigenous people.

Who do you think bakes the croissants in these places? Who rakes the beaches and minds the bicycle liveries? Who gives the massages at the spas? The local people, that’s who. We will be interacting with them face-to-face, talking to them as needed, and tipping them — but not too much because we will be good stewards of your generous donations!

If we happen to see people in dire need — which, let’s face it, would be a total vacation downer — we will point them to local churches.

Also, we will be documenting things with our cell phones and posting our photos and videos.

DOCUMENTATION IS VERY IMPORTANT WHEN YOU DO A CROWDFUNDING PROJECT!!

What will we be documenting? Well, endangered stuff for sure.

Coral reefs, probably, when we go snorkeling.

Maybe migrating whales, when we go kayaking.

Birds. God knows there’s got to be an endangered bird over there somewhere.

So, really, this trip is about learning, which is almost like RESEARCH, which, as we all know, has been linked to SCIENCE!

Let’s just call this trip what it is: a SCIENTIFIC EXPEDITION!!

WHOA! YOU HAVE A CHANCE TO BACK A SCIENTIFIC EXPEDITION!!

I’ll tell you something else: You ARE going to directly benefit from this trip because a) We will tell the most wonderful stories about Tahiti at your next party, and b) We will text all of our donors the recipes for the best drinks we encounter in the course of our research at The Brando. Don’t you want to know how to make The Dirty Old Bob? YOU KNOW YOU DO!!!

So don’t hesitate. Please give to this worthy cause. We would sooooooo appreciate it! THANKYOUTHANKYOUTHANKYOU in advance!!!

With Beaucoup Good Energy,

Maria

P.S.: A few people have asked about going to Tahiti with us. We have carefully considered these requests, and, after many nanoseconds of thought, we have decided it’s probably best if you create your own crowdfunding pitch. In other words: Go fund yourselves.  OH

To help Maria get to Tahiti, go to www.giveit-heresukkah.com and click on the button that says “hahaha.”

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