The Accidental Astrologer

More Changes Afoot

Hold your sigh of relief that 2019 is almost over because the stars predict a ride of a lifetime in 2020

 

By Astrid Stellanova

Humankind dances to the tune of celestial music, the sky full of stars seemingly winking at us to its beat. But there is more to know, Star Children. The universe is shifting, and its secrets will soon be revealed. We are on the verge of astrological history ahead, when Ceres, Mercury, Pluto, and Saturn line up at 22 degrees Capricorn.  As we conclude a year with more drama and ruckus than anybody, even me, could have predicted, with more change coming. You ain’t seen nothing yet.

The December-born, whether Sagittarius or Capricorn, make a mark so big they only need one name to remember: Beethoven, Sinatra, Disney, Matisse, Bogart. What future greats will be born this month?

 

Sagittarius (November 22–December 21)

Honey, when you look back, you’ll realize this year has been one of transformative changes. Just as Dorothy opened up the farmhouse door (’cause it’s the 80th anniversary of The Wizard of Oz this year) to a vivid, colorful reality so different from the black-and-white one she knew in Kansas, you, too will enter a new world. Technicolor was a miracle then, and it is going to be a miracle that your own black-and-white life is drab no more!

Capricorn (December 22–January 19)

Sometimes you may feel like you’re in a bewildering, upside-down and bass-ackwards family. But like a redneck marriage, even if you got a divorce, well, Sugar, you still are connected.

Aquarius (January 20–February 18)

Would you be willing to go all in for your dreams to come true? What would you eliminate? Strip away? Like a lady of the night promised for the right price, “Everthang but my earrings.”

Pisces (February 19–March 20)

A reckoning is ahead. Might as well be rolled in meal and fried in lard if you don’t face facts. It’s sometimes more important to be honest than to be right. Darlin’, here comes your truth test.

Aries (March 21–April 19)

You found yourself after a lot of searching, Sweet Pea, like finding a car when they mowed the yard. Treasure found! Keep the grass cut and enjoy the wheels of discovery.

Taurus (April 20–May 20)

Holy shiplap! Here is you, your fine self, doing honest work and feeling good about yourself. How’s it feel, Honey Bun? Can you admit that it wasn’t so hard after all to be a team player?

Gemini (May 21–June 20)

It don’t require a trip up the hog’s rear end to know where there’s bacon. Despite everything, you seem to want to do things the hard way. Maybe this is a time to reconnoiter.

Cancer (June 21–July 22)

Sugar, it’s like buying a camouflage toilet seat: You will still get busted when you miss. If you spend too much time on covering up the possibility of error, you don’t gain a dang thing.

Leo (July 23–August 22)

Like being too drunk to fish, your life has been a contradiction in terms. Seems like you want two entirely different paths, but can’t see they eventually converge in the — say whaaaat? — parking lot.

Virgo (August 23–September 22)

Mind your own biscuits, and life will be milk gravy. You got so close to the dream, then you changed your order when you heard somebody else talking to the waitress.  Find your truest ground.

Libra (September 23–October 22)

Saw the T-shirt that says, “You ain’t Baroque. You’re just out of Monet.” Like the person who printed it, you have a sense of humor and it must be used. In the toughest of times, it will save you, Funny Bunny.

Scorpio (October 23–November 21)

You keep wondering why folks don’t get you. You love the South, a good story, and home for the holidays. Truthfully, you ain’t as mysterious as people think. You’re just better-dressed.  OH

For years, Astrid Stellanova owned and operated Curl Up and Dye Beauty Salon in the boondocks of North Carolina until arthritic fingers and her popular astrological readings provoked a new career path.

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