The Accidental Astrologer
Sun-ruled lions enter a creative phase
By Astrid Stellanova
Star Children like Alfred Hitchcock, Ben Affleck, J.Lo and former President Barack Obama just go to prove that Leos have more than feline grace going for them. Whatever they choose to do, those born under Leo like to lead. Simple fact is, we would all like to be a Leo at least once — most especially now. As the summer heats up, chill out. August has nearly everybody fussing about either somebody who wronged them or somebody they’d like to hit with an anvil. Take a chill pill and stop hollering. — Ad Astra, Astrid
Leo (July 23–August 22)
No lie, Child, this is a mighty fine year for your birth sign. Among other things, times are especially fine for creative projects and any ideas you hatch, match or dispatch. Many of us have wondered about (and envied) your special brand of magic. Birthday Baby, if you finally decide to write that tell-all you have been pondering, this is the perfect time to park yourself at the computer and get going. It is time to take a leap of faith. Everybody who knows you wants your Leo happiness, which is something that you can take straight to the bank.
Virgo (August 23–September 22)
Check the engine light, Sugar. You got overheated and are about to bust a hose. This red light is a warning. It does not mean you open up the throttle, but just the opposite. Put it in idle or coast down the road. What happened may not have been fair, but you will have to muddle on and not go hunting justice if you want peace.
Libra (September 23–October 22)
OK, you won. But just look in the mirror, Honey. It’s like you’ve been on a forced march, judging by your expression. Take some time to consider that you won the battle and don’t let one little peevish problem cause you so dang much frustration. It ain’t nothing but a little ole distraction.
Scorpio (October 23–November 21)
Was THAT your Kumbaya moment? Lord help us! Try again, Sugar, to reconnect with some people who are in a position to help. There is something you desperately want, and if you play nicely with others, it is in your reach. Meanwhile, it is possible you may need to reconsider the end goal.
Sagittarius (November 22–December 21)
It’s nobody’s beeswax what you’ve been up to, Sweetheart. Don’t tell. Actually, puhleese don’t tell. You have a very strong instinct about something and you’ve been listening to your inner voice. It won’t lead you wrong, but most people just cannot understand the nature of your private obsession. Not yet, anyhow.
Capricorn (December 22–January 19)
You nearly fell out over what ought to be a happy surprise. Only slowly did you figure it all out. Now that you have, bask in the sunshine. There is something in the road that ain’t nothing but a little old speed bump. If you slow down and remember this is what mud flaps are for, ain’t no way any mud will to stick to you.
Aquarius (January 20–February 18)
You ticked off somebody close to you and never even knew it. They’ve been chewing that bone over. And over. If you feel like hollering about how unjust it is, just drink an RC Cola. Then move on down the road and let them figure it all out. By the time you meet up again, you will both be in a better place, Sweet Thing.
Pisces (February 19–March 20)
A mysterious stranger is returning to close a chapter in your life. It is only significant because they need the closure even more than you do. Sweetie Pie, sometimes we get a chance to do someone a big old kindness, and the only reward is good karma. This is the case for you; score some celestial points.
Aries (March 21–April 19)
Shew we, Baby! Did you really mean to confess what you did? Nobody expects you to be tight-lipped, but I’m glad I ain’t your lawyer. If you really want to dazzle others, the best thing to do is to shut up. You have a lot of social power, and don’t dilute it by telling everything you know and everything you thought you knew. Take a time out before somebody puts Baby in the corner.
Taurus (April 20–May 20)
Life ain’t a reality show. You’re fixin’ to gum up the works by climbing on the roof with a bullhorn to tell the whole world something that you got going on — or wish you did — or think you saw. Get at least one of those feet off the ladder and take a deep breath. What you are convinced happened may not have. At least wait for confirmation before you blow somebody’s cover, Rambo.
Gemini (May 21–June 20)
You got a parking ticket, but the way you’ve been carrying on has everyone thinking you’ve been thrown into the lion’s den, just like Daniel. Seriously? As you were wailing about that misfortune to one and all, you missed at least two opportunities. This month holds more good fortune than bad, and a very smart move, Honey Bun, is to recognize that you are the lucky one.
Cancer (June 21–July 22)
You were born naked, screaming and afraid, just like the rest of us, Honey. Just look at how far you have come, but still frustrated! A rock that moves does not get fuzzy stuff on it, right? Or is it that a rolling stone gathers no moss? You keep moving forward and you still find yourself in the exact right spot this month. Time out is what is needed, and time to detach. OH
For years, Astrid Stellanova owned and operated Curl Up and Dye Beauty Salon in the boondocks of North Carolina until arthritic fingers and her popular astrological readings provoked a new career path.