Sweet Joy Ride
Champange wishes, cavier dreams and the chicken dance
By Astrid Stellanova
Oh, what a good time to be a Capricorn! Money! Fun! Champagne on a beer budget! You bask in the sunshine of a benevolent Universe. And . . . If you don’t go broke trolling the racks at Victoria’s Secret, you will have one fine time with all things sensual and pleasurable and dee-lightful. Actually, with the Sun in your money house, this is when you bank a lot of cash and good times keep rolling. For the rest of the sun signs, we just hope we are in the back seat for this oh-so-sweet joy ride. Ad Astra — Astrid
Capricorn (December 22–January 19)
Now, Astrid is not always right about everything, but I’m going to mix my metaphors because I feel oh-so-very right on this star call: If you don’t make the best of this astrological joy ride then you sure have missed the bus. Given all the good fortune you enjoy in January, take some time for an attitude of gratitude and pay some of that forward, Birthday Child.
Aquarius (January 20–February 18)
Since the year’s end, you’ve been locked in a dilemma. And Honey, one is right and the other one is you. It won’t take you more than a hot minute to figure out for yourself exactly what ole Astrid means. The jury is still out on whether you will get away with something you know was dicey. Not too late to renege, sweet thing, and set it right.
Pisces (February 19–March 20)
When things get rough, some of us run and hide. Some, like you, know how to let loose and be hopeful even when they feel the bus tires are bearing down and about to roll over them. They don’t feel sorry for themselves — no, baby, they feel a chicken dance coming on. This is the beauty of your true self. Dance that chicken dance, Child.
Aries (March 21–April 19)
If you struck gold, why would you look for brass? Somebody you admire has put that question to you about a choice you made. That choice is going to be one of the most important ones you will make. If you feel you cannot choose, then don’t. Sit on your hands. Wait. If your first choice won’t fit, don’t force it.
Taurus (April 20–May 20)
You have the constitution of an ox, and when you get sick, you get mad. Consider your choices. Consider you haven’t necessarily done a healthy thing in too long to remember. And the health nuts don’t mean an apple a day will keep the doc away — but only if you aim it right.
Gemini (May 21–June 20)
Sugar, you’ve been through a lot of challenge. How much of that was your durn fault? Did you show your appreciation when somebody gave you a helping hand? Did you repay the favor? Try remembering to dance with the one who brought you to the dance and get back out there.
Cancer (June 21–July 22)
It is true you got some bad blowback. It may be because a confidant of yours uses a phone like a DustBuster, just to get the dirt. Take a good look at who you trust and be sure they are worth all the fuss. Then sweep up the mess and move on, Sugar.
Leo (July 23–August 22)
Recent events have left you upside down and bassackwards. You don’t know whether to scratch your watch or wind your backside. Will it help you if I tell you this is good training for you? Despite always giving the appearance you are the One in Charge, you have bluffed and someone called it. Fix it.
Virgo (August 23–September 22)
Ever notice that the people who ought to be running things are either driving for Uber or giving manicures? Wisdom is going to find you in the most unlikely places. If you are wiser, you are going to keep an ear cocked for insights from people you might oughta listen to before you make that big decision.
Libra (September 23–October 22)
Well, hello, Sassy Pants! You put some steel in your backbone and stood up to somebody who needed it. Pushing back may just become one of your favorite activities this year, after a long standoff. You are going to find it easier to be true to your own ideas, and don’t worry if it alienates your Mama.
Scorpio (October 23–November 21)
Big ole changes are in the chart for you, and despite all the secret nail biting you have done, it is going to be just fine, Sugar Pie. If you only knew how many helping hands are making good things possible, you would sleep better at night. You would also sleep better if you stopped sleeping with your cell phone.
Sagittarius (November 22–December 21)
The rumor is, you have finally broken off with the lunatic fringe and found yourself. Or was it that you found religion? Whatever you found, don’t forget where you put it. You have an easy transition into the New Year, and an easy opportunity to renew some old acquaintances. They didn’t forget you. OH
For years, Astrid Stellanova owned and operated Curl Up and Dye Beauty Salon in the boondocks of North Carolina until arthritic fingers and her popular astrological readings provoked a new career path.